September 9, 2008

Stumbling along...

Dear Friends,


It's difficult to put into words what I am feeling today. I guess I must start by telling each of you that I love and appreciate you so much for each email and comment I've received over the past few days. I've spent time reading and re-reading each note... taking in everything that you've written and feeling a renewed strength to work through my pain.


Please forgive me for not responding to each of you personally... Just know that you have touched me deeply with your kindness. We are weaving an intricate bond of friendship together...and it has a far reaching and much greater impact than I ever imagined possible. Thank you so much for your words of comfort and your friendship!

It wasn't easy for me to admit that I've been struggling to keep it together since Christian's death... especially in such a public forum like the Internet. But I am glad I did...the support I've gotten in return has been immeasurable. Thank you so much for the many prayers and emails... You are all amazing people and great inspiration to me!


My steps toward healing have faltered, but then again, it's a tough road I am traveling on. My son died 3 weeks ago... and I know it's okay to be sad.

I thought this journey would be over once Christian passed away. But in truth, it's only just begun. The true test of my faith and character really began on the day Christian died. And there is much I still have to learn.

As parents, Ryan and I made the most important decision that we could make for our child...and that was choosing his LIFE over any other option available to us once we learned Christian had Trisomy 18. Some would say we chose the hard path...but, there really was no question in our minds that it was the right thing to do. And we were rewarded greatly by our decision...God blessed us with a beautiful son.


When Christian was born, we didn't see an imperfect little boy... we saw a Miracle. Words can't describe how wonderful the feeling is when Ryan and I look at pictures or videos of our son and we see each other in Christian's features. We created his life together...there is no sweeter feeling or stronger bond than that. Through our tiny little boy, God has taught Ryan and I more about faith, hope, and unconditional love than we ever thought possible.


I have much to be thankful for. And even though I have stumbled along this path toward healing, I am still moving forward.

With Love,

Leah

8 comments:

debbie davis-plumb said...

LEAH,
I,M GLAD YOUR FEELING SOME COMFORT, JUST REMEMBER DAY BY DAY..
YOU HAVE VERY HIGH EXPECTATIONS DON'T BEAT YOURSELF UP!!! YOU ARE THE AMAZING PERSON.
WE LOVE YOU,
HUGS AND KISSES
DEBBIE DAVIS-PLUMB

Mrs. Mother said...

I am glad you are finding peace during this difficult time. It is a tough road we are on, but we will get through it. Tomorrow will be a month since we lost Jenna to Trisomy 18, and I think about her every minute.

Jennifer Burgett said...

Leah,
Thank you for being so open and honest. I can't even begin to imagine what you must feel right now and I won't even try to pretend to. I do know that because of stories like Christian's my faith in God and in other people have grown stronger. I hope that if I am ever in a situation like you are, I will hold on to my faith as you have done.

I am praying for you.
Through Christ,
Jennifer

Darlene said...

Leah, I am praying for you and your family today. Christian Dale's legacy is alive, and VERY compatable with Life. He is daily pointing anyone who encounters him toward The Life! You are blessing him, sweet mommy, by carrying forth his testimony.
Darlene

Super Momma said...

My family has gone through a season of grief through death. In all, we have lost 7 people since July of 2005. Two of those people happened to be twins. They had a chromosome issues as well, but it took their life in utero at 8 weeks and then at 18 weeks. The best advice I have to give as I still remember my son. (I was able to deliver him and see his precious, tiny body.) I still cry after almost 2 years. It is a process that takes time. I was depressed for a solid year even though I did not realize it. A verse that I read today and thought about you and Ryan is the following: "He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds." Psalm 147:3 My prayer for you two is to face your grief and embrace the pain and allow God to bind up this grief and eventually you will turn from your sack cloth of mourning into joy. Albeit, a bit different then you could ever imagine.

I am so glad that you have allowed Christian's legacy to continue and not stop with society's view of an abundant life.

Many blessings to both of you, Susan

Hurricane Hurst said...

I am so glad you are feeling some comfort. I hope your days continue to improve. As anyone who has had loss knows, there are bright days and dark days. Just know you have a helping hand and support on the dark days. Hope this will give you light. God Bless. Debbie

cojlisa16 said...

The love you and Ryan have for your son and for God is breathtakingly beautiful. I am sorry that Christian is not here with you, but I know he will forever be in your heart.

I suspect there are no words that can be said to ease your grief. I will say that I know your story and your faith has touched hearts that needed to be touched. I will continue to pray for you and ask God to truly give you that peace that transcends all understanding. It doesn't seem fair that you should be feeling any guilt in the midst of your grief and I ask that He takes that burden from you. Your sweet little one was well-loved and you and Ryan are amazing parents. You could not have done more for him than you did and I pray that soon your head and your heart will believe that.

Alyssa's mom said...

In His grace He's know when you walk, when you stumble and when you fall, He will be there to pick you up. As you had said, this is a time that your faith is being grown, have faith and trust...continuing to pray for you and your family.

Trish

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