It's difficult to put into words what I am feeling today. I guess I must start by telling each of you that I love and appreciate you so much for each email and comment I've received over the past few days. I've spent time reading and re-reading each note... taking in everything that you've written and feeling a renewed strength to work through my pain.
Please forgive me for not responding to each of you personally... Just know that you have touched me deeply with your kindness. We are weaving an intricate bond of friendship together...and it has a far reaching and much greater impact than I ever imagined possible. Thank you so much for your words of comfort and your friendship!
It wasn't easy for me to admit that I've been struggling to keep it together since Christian's death... especially in such a public forum like the Internet. But I am glad I did...the support I've gotten in return has been immeasurable. Thank you so much for the many prayers and emails... You are all amazing people and great inspiration to me!
My steps toward healing have faltered, but then again, it's a tough road I am traveling on. My son died 3 weeks ago... and I know it's okay to be sad.
I thought this journey would be over once Christian passed away. But in truth, it's only just begun. The true test of my faith and character really began on the day Christian died. And there is much I still have to learn.
As parents, Ryan and I made the most important decision that we could make for our child...and that was choosing his LIFE over any other option available to us once we learned Christian had Trisomy 18. Some would say we chose the hard path...but, there really was no question in our minds that it was the right thing to do. And we were rewarded greatly by our decision...God blessed us with a beautiful son.
When Christian was born, we didn't see an imperfect little boy... we saw a Miracle. Words can't describe how wonderful the feeling is when Ryan and I look at pictures or videos of our son and we see each other in Christian's features. We created his life together...there is no sweeter feeling or stronger bond than that. Through our tiny little boy, God has taught Ryan and I more about faith, hope, and unconditional love than we ever thought possible.
I have much to be thankful for. And even though I have stumbled along this path toward healing, I am still moving forward.