Ryan and I celebrated 6 years of marriage on Saturday... It wasn't the kind of celebration one would expect for an anniversary or special occasion, but, it was still a special day for us.
There were lots of hugs, spontaneous dancing to various songs playing on the radio, moments of silliness and laughter... and tears as we talked about our son, Christian. We marvel at how our boy really was the best of the both of us... His features were a combination of the Asian in me and Italian in Ryan... He was such a beautiful little boy!
Ryan and I thought our home would be filled with tons of children by now. Certainly, we never expected to be grieving over the loss of our only son... It's been so hard for the both of us.
But, we have tried to be strong for each other. Ryan is never too far away when I have my moments and need comforting. And I've tried my hardest to be there for him. Although he puts on a brave front, I know he's needed me too. I see it in his eyes...red rimmed from crying privately. I know he misses his little boy. Sometimes, I put my arms around him and I feel his shoulders slump toward me...the weight of his own pain bearing down on me. It is in those moments when I am reminded that I am not alone in this journey...and I can't be selfish in my own despair.
Ryan and I have always had a special relationship... We are the very best of friends... always have been from the moment we first met. I know our closeness will carry us through our grief.
We've talked about getting away and finding the joy in our lives again...but it's still too soon. The flowers from Christian's memorial are still in full bloom in baskets and vases around my home... reminding me that our son was here only a short time ago... I miss my boy. But I know that one day, Ryan and I will see our son again... What a sweet and glorious reunion that will be!
And so it is...that our anniversary was a special day... filled with sweet memories of our son and of each other as we've grown in our marriage throughout the years.