September 8, 2008

6 Years Together

Dear Friends,

Ryan and I celebrated 6 years of marriage on Saturday... It wasn't the kind of celebration one would expect for an anniversary or special occasion, but, it was still a special day for us.
There were lots of hugs, spontaneous dancing to various songs playing on the radio, moments of silliness and laughter... and tears as we talked about our son, Christian. We marvel at how our boy really was the best of the both of us... His features were a combination of the Asian in me and Italian in Ryan... He was such a beautiful little boy!
Ryan and I thought our home would be filled with tons of children by now. Certainly, we never expected to be grieving over the loss of our only son... It's been so hard for the both of us.
But, we have tried to be strong for each other. Ryan is never too far away when I have my moments and need comforting. And I've tried my hardest to be there for him. Although he puts on a brave front, I know he's needed me too. I see it in his rimmed from crying privately. I know he misses his little boy. Sometimes, I put my arms around him and I feel his shoulders slump toward me...the weight of his own pain bearing down on me. It is in those moments when I am reminded that I am not alone in this journey...and I can't be selfish in my own despair.
Ryan and I have always had a special relationship... We are the very best of friends... always have been from the moment we first met. I know our closeness will carry us through our grief.
We've talked about getting away and finding the joy in our lives again...but it's still too soon. The flowers from Christian's memorial are still in full bloom in baskets and vases around my home... reminding me that our son was here only a short time ago... I miss my boy. But I know that one day, Ryan and I will see our son again... What a sweet and glorious reunion that will be!
And so it is...that our anniversary was a special day... filled with sweet memories of our son and of each other as we've grown in our marriage throughout the years.



mrsrubly said...

happy anniversary! i am still praying for you!!

Kathy said...

You two are beautiful together. Your love radiates from you both. Your baby definitely received the best from both of you!

So glad to hear you were able to celebrate each other!

Continuing to lift you two beautiful parents up to our Lord and Savior.

mom to three great kids said...

My heart breaks for you both ...But know that your story has also made me appreciate what i have a little bit more. Even though we may going through the hardest times financially we have ever had (Loss of job, late payments and so on) but after reading your story, i have come to realize (with some shame) that i have had the greatest gift of all this whole time MY CHILDREN AND HUSBAND. So thank you for making me realize that no matter how hard my life may seem at's nothing compared to the grief you are having. My heart goes out to you and your husband. God Bless.

debbie davis-plumb said...


Laurie said...

Six anniversaries together, five before being parents, one very special one as parents. You will always be Christians mommy and daddy, loving this little boy with all of your hearts. You guys are beautiful together and you are so right, Christian got the best of both of you. He is a beautiful little boy. God bless you both and continue to draw you close as you lean on eachother and both lean on the Lord. A get away when you are ready will be a refreshing breath of joy for you both. Be gentle with eachother during the weeks and months ahead,

Love, Laurie in Ca.

Anonymous said...

Happy Anniversary!! You guys are such a sweet couple! I will keep you in my prayers. I am so sorry about Christian..

Penny said...

Happy Anniversary to you both! Holidays can be so bittersweet and so special at the same time. A few days before Father's Day 2005 we lost our sweet baby girl Mackenzie. I thought that we would both be swallowed by the grief of that day. Together we have come out stronger together. I pray for healing for you and Ryan. We also had an escape regroup get away about a month after our loss. It was a quiet but renewing time for our family.

Hugs to you both.............

Pete Wilson said...

Happy Anniversary! Praying for you guys in Nashville.

sea star said...

Though your marriage was speacial 6years ago, it simply did not have the depth that you now share together. Some things seem so hard to go through at the time, but years later will reflect the strength of your bond. Happy 6th Anniversary to you both. You are both such beautiful people.