Dear Friends,


Tomorrow is Christian's Celebration of Life memorial... I've been praying for strength to help me get through the second most difficult day of my life... But, I'll admit, I'm having a tough time... a really tough time.

As I think about what I'd like to share about my son, one thing continues to resonate in my mind...and that is the legacy he's left behind in the hearts of many. Ryan and I are so completely humbled and thankful by the generosity of so many of you who have shared your hearts, your love, and your prayers for healing with our family.

When we learned Christian was diagnosed as having Trisomy 18 in early April, we were devastated. Everything we read and knew about the chromosomal defect was dismal. It wasn't something we would be able to fix through the miracles of medicine and we knew that our son would not have a long life here on Earth. But the thing that struck me hard was the medical phrase, "Incompatible with Life". It's harsh... completely void of any compassion for the families who are impacted by this terrible defect.

One thing Ryan and I were not willing to accept was that Christian's life would be a foregone conclusion... We weren't willing to accept that, just because T18 was considered incompatible with life, our son would not have a full and meaningful life. It's the main reason I started sharing our story with you... I've had little time to share my son with the world...but I wanted his life to have an impact...I wanted him to matter.


My son, my 4lbs., 14 oz. bundle of spirit and joy certainly HAS made an impact on so many people. He's made a difference to people he's never even met. My heart warms when I receive notes from complete strangers telling me they are more tolerant of their own children or they hug their kids more often... just because they've read our story. People have written notes letting us know their plans to volunteer for the Trisomy 18 organization or March of Dimes... people have even donated money in Christian's honor to the Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep Foundation. All these loving gestures from people my son has touched. I can go on and on with so many amazing stories of how people have been impacted in various ways. My son matters!


I am so proud and honored to be Christian's mom! And I am honored to call you my friends and family.


So, as I wind down this evening and begin thinking about what tomorrow holds... I will pray for strength and courage to get through the day and I pray the Lord provides me with the right words to honor my son.

Love,

Leah

My Perspective on, "True Friends"

I've told Ryan that I think the guys who came over yesterday were an answer to a prayer.

When I woke up yesterday morning, I prayed hard for God to help us get our lives back on track. I told him we needed help... Keep in mind, Ryan and I are not the type of people to ask for help...not that there aren't people who haven't offered. We get calls ALL the time from our friends wanting to help us out.. but Ry and I have just always managed by ourselves.

Anyway, I'd prayed hard yesterday morning... I shared with God that we were in over our heads...and a little help wouldn't be so bad.

At 9:00 a.m., our doorbell rang and 7 guys from the fire department were standing in the driveway waiting to help Ryan put our garage back together after the big move and Tropical Storm Faye.

Little did I know that when I asked for help, God would send it in the form of several handsome and capable men from the North Naples Fire District!

What's even more amazing is that shortly after the first crew arrived, more firefighters showed up in groups of 2, 3, and 4 at a time...about 20 firefighters total... ALL looking to help out in anyway they could.

Answered prayers... God does that often... we just have to ask...

The best part about yesterday wasn't that all the guys accomplished so much in such a short period of time (although we are so grateful!!)... but they stayed and hung out at the house for awhile telling funny stories and being the "brothers" that a firefighter family can rely on in times of trouble.

I heard Ryan's gut busting, belly laughter above everyone else in the group and I smiled... thinking it sounded like music to my ears. We need laughter these days...

When I thanked one of the guys for helping us out, he told me that they were all Christian's "uncles" and they were happy to do it. Christian's "uncles"... what a great sentiment. I hope Christian was looking down from the heavens and marveling how much he was loved.

Leah

Bumps in the Road

Today is tough... I ventured out of the house today to run some errands, but I had a hard time focusing on the simplest of tasks. Tears were my constant companion as I drove from place to place trying to accomplish what I'd set out to do. I keep telling myself it's okay to feel this way...my son died only 4 days ago. 4 DAYS... not long ago...but yet, it's an eternity with empty arms. Oh, how I miss my little boy so much.

It's said that, "Time heals all wounds.", but I wonder if that applies to me too. How does one heal from a loss so great? It doesn't seem possible...but then, again, it's only been 4 days.

I woke up in the middle of the night...something I've done every night since coming home from the hospital... the weight of despair bearing down on my chest...so unbearable. I kept rocking back and forth crying out for my son. And the silence was deafening.

I thought today would be the day I finally shared stories of Christian's amazing birth...but it will have to wait another day. Perhaps tomorrow I'll find the words...

Love,

Leah

True friends...

True friends are not hard to find...they are there just because...

You see, our boy was scheduled to be born on the 22nd...try telling that to Christian. Our little guy couldn't wait. A storm was coming and it wasn't Faye it was Christian. He was born a week early...the night before Tropical Storm Faye was due to hit Naples...there was no time to prepare for the storm. We had just moved our ornamental metal business back into the garage...what a mess! I had 1hr to throw all the lawn furniture, planters, trash cans, and miscellaneous items in the garage too...more of a mess.

Between spending precious time with my son and now planning his memorial service... There has been no time to get our lives back together...until Christian's many "uncles" from North Naples Fire Rescue came to our rescue. Our lawn was mowed on Friday before we got home...and today, in what would have taken me all week to complete, our garage was boxed, packed, and stowed in 45 minutes...ready to be a functional garage again. God bless true friends.

Thanks so much to my brothers at North Naples Fire Rescue,

Ryan

Quiet Reflection

Today, I spent some time in Christian's room quietly reflecting on how much my world has changed in such a short period of time. As I looked into his bassinet, I felt loss so heavy that, at times, it was difficult to breathe. I miss my son... my precious, precious boy who gave me so much joy during the few days we were blessed to be with him.

As I looked around his room, I was comforted by all the things that belonged to him... and I whispered softly telling him I love him. I truly feel his presence with me and it's a bittersweet feeling... pain and joy... hardly two emotions that should go hand in hand....but in my world, they will forever be linked.

Fierce pride welled up inside me as I went through his little box of belongings... clothes he wore at the hospital, little stuffed animals that kept vigil in his crib, his "binkie", and yes...even the plastic medical I.D. bracelet he wore...letting the world know that I was his mom.... All these things belonged to Christian... Everything smelled like him... What joy to remember what he smelled like as I snuggled him close to me.

It's hard to describe...but having these precious few belongings of Christian's meant that he truly had weight in this world... He was already accumulating "stuff"... My little boy was HERE... He had a birthday and he overcame monumental odds just by being being born. I am so proud of him! He was a little fighter... so much determination!

Ryan and I say he was so strong for us... he wanted to be with us just as much as we wanted to be with him. I could definitely see it in his eyes on the day he died. There was so much clarity and understanding in the way he stared at us... I can only believe it was God working through him to help us in that dark moment.

My heart is broken and my tears seem never to dry on my cheeks... but I still rejoice because I had an amazing little boy and I am a mom! Regardless of how many tears I shed for the loss of my son, I will always feel gratitude for having been allowed to meet him and spend time with him... I had a miracle!

As I closed the door to his room... I felt a renewed strength to do the things which are most difficult these days... I worked on his memorial... I wrote his obituary... these things are difficult to comprehend... but it's my life these days... and the trade off was so worth it. I had my son.

It's hard.... I'm hurting... but I'll deal with it ... I know. With God's grace and amazing friends... I'll heal...we will all heal.

Love,

Leah

My Dear Angel Christian,

Grandma Mina loves you soooooo!

I wanted to spoil and play with you and tell you stories about your daddy.
I was blessed to be there when you were born and share your mommy and daddy's Joy!! My heart is bleeding for them now they are without you.

I know you are in good 'God' hands and I will take care of your parents but know their faith, courage and love are so strong it makes me proud and humbled.

God blessed us with so much more than we expected.....4 days and 3 hours!!
And such a handsome boy, too.

You have touched so many lives for such a little guy. We will miss you dearly.

Forever with Christ.

Loving you always, Grandma Mina

A Picture Is Worth A Thousand Words....

We just left the funeral home... We dressed Christian in his little outfit for his memorial service and spent some wonderful time kissing him and telling him that we love him. He looks so peaceful...like he's slumbering away unhindered by the many tubes and bandages that used to cover his tiny little body. I sat there admiring his beautiful features and I thanked God for our many, many blessings. I thanked Him for allowing Ryan and I to spend such great quality time with our son on Thursday and I asked Him for grace to deal with our loss and strength to cope with our broken hearts. I am truly shattered. But I am so joyful for the precious moments I've shared with my son.

If I had this journey to travel all over again, I would gladly make the same decisions...even amidst all the heartache and emptiness I am feeling. I love my son...I've loved every second I got to spend with him...beginning from the first moment I knew he was growing inside my belly.

I want to shout out loud and tell the world my son wasn't "Incompatible with Life"... He was, He is, and He will forever be...."Full of LIFE"... His life mattered.

I am posting several pictures of our boy...because I want to share with you all the little things we love about him. The words will come later....but I want you to know my son...now.

These were pictures taken by Heather Donlan of Heather Donlan Photography...our angel who is affiliated with Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep. God Bless her and her work... I hope they bring you as much joy as they do us.

I love you all,

Love, Leah

A Celebration of Christian's Life

Dear Friends,


Thank you all so much for the many prayers and words of comfort we have received these past several days. I have so much to share with you regarding Christian's birthday, the precious few days we were able to share with him, and the final day of his life. We have amazing memories and stories and I am anxious to share with you the life of my beautiful boy.

And, although my heart is broken and my spirit is shattered...for now, I must focus on what we, as parents, must do for our beloved son.

We invite you to celebrate the life of Christian Dale Paige on Saturday, August 30th, at 12:00 p.m. (Eastern Time)

A memorial service will be held at the Fuller Funeral Home located at:

Fuller Funeral Home

1625 Pine Ridge Road

Naples, Florida 34109

In lieu of flowers, Ryan and I ask that donations be made to The Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep Foundation (NILMDTS). As I mentioned in an earlier post, this organization helps families like mine preserve the memories of our beloved children through photography. The entire network of affiliated photographers graciously donate their time and talents to our families and offer their services at no cost.

"The Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep Foundation is there for parents and families to help aid them in their Healing, bring Hope to their future, and Honor to their child. It is through rememberance that a family can begin to heal."

You can make donations online at http://www.nilmdts.com/ or mail them to:

The Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep Foundation

7800 S. Elati Street, #111

Littleton, CO., 80120

Please reference Christian Dale Paige on your check or online donation.

If you would like to send a card or letter , please send it to:

Ryan and Leah Paige

830 93rd Avenue North

Naples, FL 34108

We treasure every note, card, and letter we receive.

Most importantly, please continue to lift up prayers for our family- for strength, comfort, peace and understanding in the difficult days ahead.

This is to Christian’s Mom & Dad….

Please first know that as a health care provider I have never done this in my 30 PLUS years of practice NOR have I ever been touched in the way you 3 have touched me today………..YOU all are more of an inspiration then you can EVER imagine………Leah, YOUR smile has burned a whole in my heart……..Ryan your compassion and the way you looked at your son’s MOM will forever be a part of my soul………….Christian, YOU are amazing…….YOUR cry immediately at birth was MUSIC to my ears and your mom yelled out….”that’s my son”………”he’s crying”………………YOU ARE SO LOVED……..

I am Michelle the Respiratory Therapist who had the honor of being a part of your son’s birthday…….HE IS BEAUTIFUL………….
At times our jobs become very routine…………..TODAY YOUR family reminded me once again why we do what we do…………..

Tonight I pray for all of you and your extended families…………Christian is an amazing little boy……….I know God has a BIG plan for him…..and HE Gave Christian an extraordinary set of parents to help him accomplish his job here on earth……………

God Bless you all,
Michelle