Yesterday, I had another visit with my OB/GYN. Now that my appointments are scheduled every 2 weeks AND I have regularly scheduled ultrasounds with my "high risk" specialists, it seems I am always at the doctor's office.
I had my glucose test done yesterday which is a routine test given to all pregnant women to check blood sugar levels. Okay, I totally get that it's a necessary test... But let me tell you, it was not pleasant. Drinking an orange flavored VERY sugary drink first thing in the morning was definitely NOT my idea of the breakfast of champions...especially since I had to fast prior to the test and my stomach was empty and growling. Christian seemed to like the drink though as he was moving around in my belly like he was in a bounce house.
I made up for it, however, because as soon as I was done with my doctor's appointment, I ate a breakfast fit enough for a lumberjack... scrambled eggs, french toast, sausage, fruit, Milano cookies (okay, I snuck those in)... yeah, you get the idea...I feasted as if I hadn't eaten in days! (Pregnant ladies can do that, you know!) :o) Afterward, both Christian and I were in sync because I was definitely bouncing around too!
It was nice to visit with my doctor though because I think I finally asked some good questions. A couple of days ago I met a really great lady who contacted me after receiving an alert about blogs pertaining to "Trisomy". She has a daughter, Mallorie, who is 16 MONTHS OLD. Please stop here and really grasp this... Little Mallorie is alive at 16 months old... She is a MIRACLE!
Ryan and I consider her a true beacon of HOPE! And it's a beautiful thing! All we've read prior to meeting her are grim statistics about Trisomy 18 and heartbreaking stories of pain and loss. Seeing a picture of little Mallorie has reassured Ryan and I that we have certainly made the right decision to stick by our son. The endearing way my new friend, Connie, describes her little Mallorie fills me with so much hope and anticipation to meet my own son. I just can't wait until he is born!
Anyway, my correspondence with Connie has been so valuable because, as a survivor, she has been able to offer some insight on what we might expect should we be lucky enough to have our son with us for longer than a brief moment. Things like caring for my son and personal choices while at the hospital during the delivery are things I never allowed myself to hope for because I didn't think I would have that much time with him.
I had a brief conversation once with a parent who lost their child to T18 and afterwards I broke down and was depressed for days. Imagine carrying a child inside you who moves constantly... and having conversations about making funeral arrangements and memorial services...The sadness is so great. No hope...just dread at having to prepare for the unimaginable. It is pain unlike anything I've ever experienced. And yet this is what my future will eventually hold... BUT NOT RIGHT NOW! My son is ALIVE... and I am committed, now more than ever, to celebrating his LIFE. Ryan and I are truly living in the moment. Thank you Mallorie!
I realize more than ever that Ryan and I have a lot of work ahead of us to prepare for Christian's arrival! We're not banking on false hope... we only want to be prepared just in case we're blessed with a miracle like Mallorie. And so I started a dialog with my doctor about choices I thought would never be available to me. Maybe this doesn't make sense, but I felt like I was finally moving forward instead of spinning my wheels and waiting for things to happen to us. It feels great!
People, I'm learning this as I go and I will be the first to admit, I'm overwhelmed and CLUELESS about what is to come. Ryan and I don't have children. I don't know how to change a diaper, the fragility of babies scares the heck out of me, the smell of funky diapers and "spit up" will surely set my gag reflects on high alert, and I think I'm lactose intolerant because the smell of milk really creeps me out...But I'm okay with all of that. I just want my son. Ryan and I have been trying to have kids for years. We know what kind of parents we want to be... we "parent" our dogs who are our babies...but it's not the same. I feel at such a disadvantage because my pregnancy encompasses all the joy that a new mother should experience. But, it's also filled with despair caused by being told my son has a fatal genetic defect. It's a lot to deal with. Ry and I thought we would have a basketball team by now... we thought it would easy and it's been anything but that.
And now I have a new friend who has reached out to me with HOPE. I am forever grateful...Connie, Thank You. You are blessing and a friend!