Dear Friends,
Someone sent this video to me anonymously and I wanted to share it with you because it's beautiful. You will have to pause my playlist at the bottom of my blog in order to hear it correctly. May this video touch your heart as much as it has mine.
Thank you and much love to the person who sent it to me.
Love, Leah
October 14, 2008
October 10, 2008
The Talk....
Dear Friends,
I know it's been a few days since my last post... I've been processing a lot of frustration and despair...even anger on occasion. On most days, I feel better when I share my feelings through my writing because I have received so much love and support from all of you...but it seems I've just run out of words to write these past several days.
There is a very lonely side to grief that I am learning about these past few weeks. I feel there are days when no one can possibly understand what I'm feeling and I can find no comfort from anyone around me. Even sharing my feelings with Ryan has become difficult to do. I find myself having to check my words just in case I sound bitter or sorry for myself. I don't want to have stress in my marriage so I've kept these feelings to myself. This is not an emotional place I thought I would ever experience. Certainly, I thought it would get easier with time.
Time heals all things, I know... Perhaps, it will even heal my broken heart someday.
But I think time can be so cruel too...
It's been 7 weeks since my son passed away... a lot of time has gone by to help me process my sadness, but to me, this time has been a drop in the bucket. My feelings of loss are just as intense as the day Christian died. Only now, I find myself crying alone... trying to hide the fact that I'm not coping with Christian's death very well.
It's been 7 weeks since my son passed away...and I can't smell him on the clothing he wore at the hospital anymore... Each day I sit beside his bassinet and touch his things... I smell his caps, booties, onesies... everything. His scent has faded away. I am clinging to anything which will keep my son close to me... and time has not been my friend through this process. My son is gone and I feel so alone.
It's almost as if I've been two different people these past weeks. I've been trying to be upbeat and positive..."moving on with life" so to speak. But, truthfully, it's a cover. I think it's what people expect from me... or, at the very least, I think it makes people more comfortable to be around me. And so that's who I am...publicly. I've learned to be some semblance of the person I was before because I think it makes everyone feel better....everyone except for me, that is.
Inside, I feel as though I am withering away. I've been through a lot this past year... My struggles didn't start with Christian's birth and death... it has been a series of events over several months... and everything is weighing on my shoulders.
My feelings are like an open wound that has started to fester with the infection of bitterness... Unbelievable pain. And I can't stand the way I feel anymore.
Eventually, I had to sit down with Ryan and have "the talk" just as I am now having "the talk" with all of you... Finding the right words to begin with was not easy... I stumbled several times before the words would flow and before I could share the parts of my heart which I have been closing off to the world.
It's seems odd that I would have to remind my husband of what we'd been through all these months, but actually, I had to remind him of what I'D been through... he's been holding my hand from the very beginning...but even he couldn't understand the depth of my injury...not until I shared it with him...
I started reminding him of our journey through infertility...the unsuccessful treatments...the stressful days of overwhelming odds... I reminded him that we didn't have children because of ME... a botched medical diagnostic surgery 4 years ago left me with so much scar tissue that it was a physical impossibility for me to conceive naturally.
When we finally sought the help of another fertility specialist, his candor set the expectations of conceiving children through In Vitro with very low statistical odds... but we forged ahead...we wanted to have children. For me, the pressure of knowing we had an uphill battle was stress immeasurable. I was an emotional mess during that time. So much pressure!
Then, we got pregnant...and we did great... we had twins growing inside me. A reprieve from the emotional turmoil of the previous months and years...and then one of our twins died. Was it something that I did or didn't do... Sadness...disappointment...hurt... all these things I felt. I still feel them to this day. I wonder if my stressful nature helped to contribute to the loss of Christian's twin.
But we had Christian...and I put EVERYTHING I had into my baby boy... I did everything I knew to do to make sure our son would be healthy... but, in April, when we learned Christian was sick with Trisomy 18, life changed in the most dramatic way.
I guess we found our faith at that point... we relied on luck previously...but had no comfort when we became "unlucky". Faith helped us to make the difficult decision to carry our son to full term. I say it was a difficult decision because we didn't have a lot of support early on from our specialists. Carrying a terminally sick baby without much help from your team of doctors is a hard road to travel by yourself. So much uncertainty... Most of what we learned about Trisomy 18, we learned through the Internet and through other families who have experienced the same situation.
And, although our faith has helped to buffer our feelings of despair and surround us with people of amazing courage and strength, I was still hounded by the realization that my child would soon die from a terrible disease.
I carried my child just below my heart for nearly half of my pregnancy knowing that he was terminally sick and there was nothing Ryan and I could do to save him. He would die no matter what.
During those days of my pregnancy, I thought only of my son. I embraced every single day with joy because my son was growing inside me and I didn't want to let him down. Even though my heart was breaking... I wanted to be strong for Christian. I ate well, stayed active, read to him, sang to him, and rubbed my belly as if to reassure him that his mommy was happily awaiting his arrival into this world... even though it meant that saying hello to my son, meant that I would soon be saying goodbye.
I have been through a lot. My whole family has been through a lot. Not to minimize what pain they are feeling, but I have traveled most of this journey alone. Ryan has been beside me 100 percent, but physically I have traveled this journey alone. I am more aware of that now than ever before. Emotionally and physiologically there is much work to be done on my part.
I am trying to unravel all the months of hurt, disappointment, and despair that has gripped my heart. I've put on a "brave" face and have gone on with life, somewhat... I've read books on bereavement and grief. Ryan and I built a memorial garden for Christian. We put pictures of him throughout our home. We've watched videos of him...just so we can be reminded that our son was not a figment of our imagination...that those precious few days were real.
And I've prayed. Oh how I've prayed. I've cried out to God asking him, "Why my son?", "Why us?".... And I am still waiting on the answers...
I am alone. The feeling covers me like a blanket. I don't have other children I can embrace and be thankful for... I have the ashes of my son locked away inside a little brown teddy bear that I hold close to me...wishing it were my son happily gurgling away in my arms. That's it. I have the memories of 4 days and 3 hours with my beloved little Christian. And I am terrified that those too will fade just like his smell from his precious few belongings...
So you see...I've been quiet... trying to sort through these emotions. I am grateful for the support and love...but I am sad. I'm trying not to feel sorry for myself... but, perhaps I am sorry for my self. Should I feel this way? Am I being dramatic or selfish? I don't know anymore. Life is moving on and I am digging my heels in...unable to move forward "for me" yet.
I'm trying to be strong for everyone else...but it's not working for me... I only feel further isolated.
Ryan's sister had her baby on Sunday and I couldn't visit them in the hospital. I am happy for her and her family but bitterness chokes me because I miss my son so badly. I feel terrible.
Everyone is excited about the newest addition to our family and it's as it should be. It's a joyous and exciting time for new parents. I remember vividly how I felt just a short time ago. But my son died... I am not excited. I hate the way I feel.
Good friends of ours are struggling with infertility... disappointing results and another failed attempt. I feel their pain with such intensity because Ryan and I have walked in their shoes. I hate the way I feel.
All these additional emotions compound my feelings of despair.
My friends, I am struggling. Perhaps, the road to healing often has its periods where there are high and low moments and I am just at a low point. I don't know.
I just know that I needed to share with you my journey once more...perhaps you have better insight as to how I'm feeling, what I'm feeling...and hopefully how to get better. Obviously, I don't have the answers.
With Love,
Leah
I know it's been a few days since my last post... I've been processing a lot of frustration and despair...even anger on occasion. On most days, I feel better when I share my feelings through my writing because I have received so much love and support from all of you...but it seems I've just run out of words to write these past several days.
There is a very lonely side to grief that I am learning about these past few weeks. I feel there are days when no one can possibly understand what I'm feeling and I can find no comfort from anyone around me. Even sharing my feelings with Ryan has become difficult to do. I find myself having to check my words just in case I sound bitter or sorry for myself. I don't want to have stress in my marriage so I've kept these feelings to myself. This is not an emotional place I thought I would ever experience. Certainly, I thought it would get easier with time.
Time heals all things, I know... Perhaps, it will even heal my broken heart someday.
But I think time can be so cruel too...
It's been 7 weeks since my son passed away... a lot of time has gone by to help me process my sadness, but to me, this time has been a drop in the bucket. My feelings of loss are just as intense as the day Christian died. Only now, I find myself crying alone... trying to hide the fact that I'm not coping with Christian's death very well.
It's been 7 weeks since my son passed away...and I can't smell him on the clothing he wore at the hospital anymore... Each day I sit beside his bassinet and touch his things... I smell his caps, booties, onesies... everything. His scent has faded away. I am clinging to anything which will keep my son close to me... and time has not been my friend through this process. My son is gone and I feel so alone.
It's almost as if I've been two different people these past weeks. I've been trying to be upbeat and positive..."moving on with life" so to speak. But, truthfully, it's a cover. I think it's what people expect from me... or, at the very least, I think it makes people more comfortable to be around me. And so that's who I am...publicly. I've learned to be some semblance of the person I was before because I think it makes everyone feel better....everyone except for me, that is.
Inside, I feel as though I am withering away. I've been through a lot this past year... My struggles didn't start with Christian's birth and death... it has been a series of events over several months... and everything is weighing on my shoulders.
My feelings are like an open wound that has started to fester with the infection of bitterness... Unbelievable pain. And I can't stand the way I feel anymore.
Eventually, I had to sit down with Ryan and have "the talk" just as I am now having "the talk" with all of you... Finding the right words to begin with was not easy... I stumbled several times before the words would flow and before I could share the parts of my heart which I have been closing off to the world.
It's seems odd that I would have to remind my husband of what we'd been through all these months, but actually, I had to remind him of what I'D been through... he's been holding my hand from the very beginning...but even he couldn't understand the depth of my injury...not until I shared it with him...
I started reminding him of our journey through infertility...the unsuccessful treatments...the stressful days of overwhelming odds... I reminded him that we didn't have children because of ME... a botched medical diagnostic surgery 4 years ago left me with so much scar tissue that it was a physical impossibility for me to conceive naturally.
When we finally sought the help of another fertility specialist, his candor set the expectations of conceiving children through In Vitro with very low statistical odds... but we forged ahead...we wanted to have children. For me, the pressure of knowing we had an uphill battle was stress immeasurable. I was an emotional mess during that time. So much pressure!
Then, we got pregnant...and we did great... we had twins growing inside me. A reprieve from the emotional turmoil of the previous months and years...and then one of our twins died. Was it something that I did or didn't do... Sadness...disappointment...hurt... all these things I felt. I still feel them to this day. I wonder if my stressful nature helped to contribute to the loss of Christian's twin.
But we had Christian...and I put EVERYTHING I had into my baby boy... I did everything I knew to do to make sure our son would be healthy... but, in April, when we learned Christian was sick with Trisomy 18, life changed in the most dramatic way.
I guess we found our faith at that point... we relied on luck previously...but had no comfort when we became "unlucky". Faith helped us to make the difficult decision to carry our son to full term. I say it was a difficult decision because we didn't have a lot of support early on from our specialists. Carrying a terminally sick baby without much help from your team of doctors is a hard road to travel by yourself. So much uncertainty... Most of what we learned about Trisomy 18, we learned through the Internet and through other families who have experienced the same situation.
And, although our faith has helped to buffer our feelings of despair and surround us with people of amazing courage and strength, I was still hounded by the realization that my child would soon die from a terrible disease.
I carried my child just below my heart for nearly half of my pregnancy knowing that he was terminally sick and there was nothing Ryan and I could do to save him. He would die no matter what.
During those days of my pregnancy, I thought only of my son. I embraced every single day with joy because my son was growing inside me and I didn't want to let him down. Even though my heart was breaking... I wanted to be strong for Christian. I ate well, stayed active, read to him, sang to him, and rubbed my belly as if to reassure him that his mommy was happily awaiting his arrival into this world... even though it meant that saying hello to my son, meant that I would soon be saying goodbye.
I have been through a lot. My whole family has been through a lot. Not to minimize what pain they are feeling, but I have traveled most of this journey alone. Ryan has been beside me 100 percent, but physically I have traveled this journey alone. I am more aware of that now than ever before. Emotionally and physiologically there is much work to be done on my part.
I am trying to unravel all the months of hurt, disappointment, and despair that has gripped my heart. I've put on a "brave" face and have gone on with life, somewhat... I've read books on bereavement and grief. Ryan and I built a memorial garden for Christian. We put pictures of him throughout our home. We've watched videos of him...just so we can be reminded that our son was not a figment of our imagination...that those precious few days were real.
And I've prayed. Oh how I've prayed. I've cried out to God asking him, "Why my son?", "Why us?".... And I am still waiting on the answers...
I am alone. The feeling covers me like a blanket. I don't have other children I can embrace and be thankful for... I have the ashes of my son locked away inside a little brown teddy bear that I hold close to me...wishing it were my son happily gurgling away in my arms. That's it. I have the memories of 4 days and 3 hours with my beloved little Christian. And I am terrified that those too will fade just like his smell from his precious few belongings...
So you see...I've been quiet... trying to sort through these emotions. I am grateful for the support and love...but I am sad. I'm trying not to feel sorry for myself... but, perhaps I am sorry for my self. Should I feel this way? Am I being dramatic or selfish? I don't know anymore. Life is moving on and I am digging my heels in...unable to move forward "for me" yet.
I'm trying to be strong for everyone else...but it's not working for me... I only feel further isolated.
Ryan's sister had her baby on Sunday and I couldn't visit them in the hospital. I am happy for her and her family but bitterness chokes me because I miss my son so badly. I feel terrible.
Everyone is excited about the newest addition to our family and it's as it should be. It's a joyous and exciting time for new parents. I remember vividly how I felt just a short time ago. But my son died... I am not excited. I hate the way I feel.
Good friends of ours are struggling with infertility... disappointing results and another failed attempt. I feel their pain with such intensity because Ryan and I have walked in their shoes. I hate the way I feel.
All these additional emotions compound my feelings of despair.
My friends, I am struggling. Perhaps, the road to healing often has its periods where there are high and low moments and I am just at a low point. I don't know.
I just know that I needed to share with you my journey once more...perhaps you have better insight as to how I'm feeling, what I'm feeling...and hopefully how to get better. Obviously, I don't have the answers.
With Love,
Leah
October 1, 2008
Our Comfort Cub
Many people have emailed me asking about the Comfort Cub we photographed in Christian's garden. The funeral director told us about this little bear...and Ryan and I thought it would be great to have something that is a part of Christian that we could hold and cuddle. I can tell you, Ry and I hold him every single day... there is much comfort in having our little bear with us. The cub has a brass heart shaped locket in his chest which holds some of our son's ashes. The locket can also be engraved.
For Christian's remaining ashes, we put them in a marble baby block which the cub keeps vigil over... This memorial for our son keeps him near to us always....
Ups and Downs
Dear friends,
It's been a few days since my last post... To say that I've been in a "funky" mood is putting it mildly. I'm not sure how I feel... mad, maybe... or just tired of feeling sad.
Whatever it is, it finally got the best of me on Monday evening... Ryan and I were watching Pete Wilson's video, Rocked to my Core, for probably the hundredth time and I just felt overwhelming sadness.
Unfortunately, I expressed my feelings with uncontrollable anger. Actually, both Ryan and I exploded and ultimately lashed out at each other... I don't think we were angry with one another...it just came out that way. I broke the remote control to the TV in several pieces and Ryan shattered a large mirror. Truthfully, I don't know which is worse...the fact that we have to deal with 7 more years of bad luck or that we now have to get up to change the channel on the TV! (Okay, maybe that's my poor attempt at humor... )
At any rate, we ended the evening not speaking to each other and eventually sleeping in different rooms. I felt terrible as I tried to make sense of what just happened in our home. And, after several hours, I finally fell asleep...with no answers and no comfort.
The next day, Ryan and I cleaned up the mess we'd made the night before...and went about business as usual. It's funny (or not), but we never talked about what happened...I guess we just figured it was one of the up and down moments so many people have told us about.
Right after Christian died, many people warned us that tragedy has a way of hurting even the strongest relationships, but Ryan and I thought we would be immune to such things. We are the best of friends and we have been through a lot together. Not to say that we are on shaky ground because that certainly is not the case...we are rock solid. But, grief does tend to make everyone act and react differently. I understand what people were trying to tell me now.
My mind has been working overtime trying to understand my feelings... and I am so emotionally tired. Perhaps it's my own fault for not finding emotional peace through all of this... I am just not ready to quit talking about my son. I'm not ready to let go. I know he's gone... I will never again be able to hold him or feel him snuggled close to me. And I am so sad.
I don't want the day to come when remembering what he felt like and what he smelled like becomes a distant memory. It's as if I am suspended in this dark place because of my fear of that happening. Perhaps only time will soften this fear and I can eventually find the peace that has eluded me so far.
For now, I have been trying to get physically healthy...hoping that getting back into shape will help to ease the sting of my broken heart. Getting back into the gym has been a good diversion... "sweat therapy" is what I call it...although my muscles feel like they are being tortured! But, like everything in my life these days, I'm sure it will get easier with time.
As for the garden, it's mostly complete. Ryan added lighting and mulched the beds... Time and TLC will have Christian's garden growing beautifully... I'm sure we'll post more pictures soon.
Take care for now,
Love,
Leah
It's been a few days since my last post... To say that I've been in a "funky" mood is putting it mildly. I'm not sure how I feel... mad, maybe... or just tired of feeling sad.
Whatever it is, it finally got the best of me on Monday evening... Ryan and I were watching Pete Wilson's video, Rocked to my Core, for probably the hundredth time and I just felt overwhelming sadness.
Unfortunately, I expressed my feelings with uncontrollable anger. Actually, both Ryan and I exploded and ultimately lashed out at each other... I don't think we were angry with one another...it just came out that way. I broke the remote control to the TV in several pieces and Ryan shattered a large mirror. Truthfully, I don't know which is worse...the fact that we have to deal with 7 more years of bad luck or that we now have to get up to change the channel on the TV! (Okay, maybe that's my poor attempt at humor... )
At any rate, we ended the evening not speaking to each other and eventually sleeping in different rooms. I felt terrible as I tried to make sense of what just happened in our home. And, after several hours, I finally fell asleep...with no answers and no comfort.
The next day, Ryan and I cleaned up the mess we'd made the night before...and went about business as usual. It's funny (or not), but we never talked about what happened...I guess we just figured it was one of the up and down moments so many people have told us about.
Right after Christian died, many people warned us that tragedy has a way of hurting even the strongest relationships, but Ryan and I thought we would be immune to such things. We are the best of friends and we have been through a lot together. Not to say that we are on shaky ground because that certainly is not the case...we are rock solid. But, grief does tend to make everyone act and react differently. I understand what people were trying to tell me now.
My mind has been working overtime trying to understand my feelings... and I am so emotionally tired. Perhaps it's my own fault for not finding emotional peace through all of this... I am just not ready to quit talking about my son. I'm not ready to let go. I know he's gone... I will never again be able to hold him or feel him snuggled close to me. And I am so sad.
I don't want the day to come when remembering what he felt like and what he smelled like becomes a distant memory. It's as if I am suspended in this dark place because of my fear of that happening. Perhaps only time will soften this fear and I can eventually find the peace that has eluded me so far.
For now, I have been trying to get physically healthy...hoping that getting back into shape will help to ease the sting of my broken heart. Getting back into the gym has been a good diversion... "sweat therapy" is what I call it...although my muscles feel like they are being tortured! But, like everything in my life these days, I'm sure it will get easier with time.
As for the garden, it's mostly complete. Ryan added lighting and mulched the beds... Time and TLC will have Christian's garden growing beautifully... I'm sure we'll post more pictures soon.
Take care for now,
Love,
Leah
September 26, 2008
Garden for our boy
As I promised...here are some more pictures of Christian's garden.
Please don't notice that I'm standing on the very top of the ladder!
Don't try this at home...I am a trained professional...ha!
We planted Blooming Jasmine, Italian Cypress, Juniper, and Costa Rican vines...
The teddy bear is actually called a "comfort cub"... Some of Christian's ashes were placed in a heart shaped gold locket which is inside the bear's chest. It's a way for Leah and me to have a part of Christian with us always. We hug him, tell him we love him, and kiss him goodnight every evening. He even watches football with us on Sunday!
The fish...
Christian's garden faces our home... he will forever be a part of our family...
Christian, Roxie, MacCloud, and Me...
God bless
September 22, 2008
1 month ago...
Dear Friends,
Today marks 1 month since Christian passed away. It's a tough day. Ryan and I have been trying to stay busy these past few weeks... mainly focusing on the garden and each other. Each day, I try to stay focused on the joy my son brought me and it truly helps. We really jammed so many good moments into the 4 days he lived on this earth... it's easy to smile when I think of him.
Ryan and I started our day by visiting Heather Donlan's studio and picking up several photographs she had taken while we were at the hospital... I will never get tired of looking at all the images of Christian. Right now, they are my lifeline... I especially love the videos... hearing his noises and watching all the little faces he made makes my day... especially when I feel sad. Moving forward has been the most difficult thing to do... but it is getting easier.
After Christian died, I thought I would die too... it certainly felt like it. Grief brings about the worst kind of pain... everything is hard...very hard! But, the pain does subside. Slowly, I am learning to breathe again and I am finding my way back to a new kind of normal.
I don't think I'll ever be the same person I was before Christian came into my life... and that's okay. I'm still trying to figure things out... still trying to figure out how I move forward in a positive way.. and I'll get there.. I just need more time.
For now, Ryan and I stay busy...we completed the pergola in Christian's garden today! Now that we have the foundation set (fountain, pergola, and stones)...we'll be able to start planting! So far, we've decided on Blooming Jasmine for the pergola but we have yet to decide on all the other plants! Hopefully, we'll be able to make decisions this week and have everything planted by the weekend!
We should have better pictures of the progress in the next few days or so.
Thank you again for walking with us in our journey with Christian. I really can't express how much it means to me and Ryan that you have continued lift our family up in prayer. I have read the most beautiful and uplifting emails and letters from so many of you and they have helped me to deal with the loss of my son. At my lowest moments, you have lifted my spirits and I am so grateful!
I have had a tough time personally writing to many of you who have taken the time to write, send us gifts and even hand made cards... Please know, I'm just having a hard time finding the right words to thank you! I am overwhelmed by your generosity and feel that anything I say is inadequate! Just know that I love you for caring about my family!
Love,
Leah
Today marks 1 month since Christian passed away. It's a tough day. Ryan and I have been trying to stay busy these past few weeks... mainly focusing on the garden and each other. Each day, I try to stay focused on the joy my son brought me and it truly helps. We really jammed so many good moments into the 4 days he lived on this earth... it's easy to smile when I think of him.
Ryan and I started our day by visiting Heather Donlan's studio and picking up several photographs she had taken while we were at the hospital... I will never get tired of looking at all the images of Christian. Right now, they are my lifeline... I especially love the videos... hearing his noises and watching all the little faces he made makes my day... especially when I feel sad. Moving forward has been the most difficult thing to do... but it is getting easier.
After Christian died, I thought I would die too... it certainly felt like it. Grief brings about the worst kind of pain... everything is hard...very hard! But, the pain does subside. Slowly, I am learning to breathe again and I am finding my way back to a new kind of normal.
I don't think I'll ever be the same person I was before Christian came into my life... and that's okay. I'm still trying to figure things out... still trying to figure out how I move forward in a positive way.. and I'll get there.. I just need more time.
For now, Ryan and I stay busy...we completed the pergola in Christian's garden today! Now that we have the foundation set (fountain, pergola, and stones)...we'll be able to start planting! So far, we've decided on Blooming Jasmine for the pergola but we have yet to decide on all the other plants! Hopefully, we'll be able to make decisions this week and have everything planted by the weekend!
We should have better pictures of the progress in the next few days or so.
Thank you again for walking with us in our journey with Christian. I really can't express how much it means to me and Ryan that you have continued lift our family up in prayer. I have read the most beautiful and uplifting emails and letters from so many of you and they have helped me to deal with the loss of my son. At my lowest moments, you have lifted my spirits and I am so grateful!
I have had a tough time personally writing to many of you who have taken the time to write, send us gifts and even hand made cards... Please know, I'm just having a hard time finding the right words to thank you! I am overwhelmed by your generosity and feel that anything I say is inadequate! Just know that I love you for caring about my family!
Love,
Leah
September 20, 2008
A work in progess...
Hey everyone,
A place to reflect....
Trying to even out the farmers tan...
Got a great deal on the cypress. Thanks Naples Lumber! I cut and sanded it, Leah stained it. She's a great helper.
We plan on growing Jasmin on the pergola for some shade.
We have been getting alot of inquiries about the garden. So here are a few pictures on the progress. 
I picked out the fish...I think Christian would have liked to go fishing with his dad. I would have loved going fishing with him...I miss my boy.
I picked out the fish...I think Christian would have liked to go fishing with his dad. I would have loved going fishing with him...I miss my boy.
A place to reflect....
Trying to even out the farmers tan...
Got a great deal on the cypress. Thanks Naples Lumber! I cut and sanded it, Leah stained it. She's a great helper.
We plan on growing Jasmin on the pergola for some shade.
We hope to have it done by the end of next week. We'll keep the pictures coming.
God bless,
Ryan
September 18, 2008
Celebrating Christian's Life...
Christian had many visitors at the hospital....
So many people came throughout the week! Ryan and I were thrilled to show off our little boy to so many friends and family! Christian was held, and kissed and fussed over by everyone! I know our little boy felt so much love during his time here on earth!
.JPG)
Fire Trucks came by...
Aunts and cousins came by....JPG)
Ryan's Battalion Chief came by..,,
Our Pastor and family friends came by....
Dear friends came by...
Young friends came by.....
More Aunts and Uncles
His Cousin...
His Uncle....
Handsome Hank....a firefighter "uncle"
More "uncles" from the fire station....
Chicago friends...
And even more friends....
Christian's fan club...
More friends...
Grandma Mina....JPG)
Christian's "uncles" from the fire station.... Happy One Month Birthday, Son...
Christian Dale Paige
Only a few minutes old...
"Our Beautiful Boy"
Born Aug. 18, 2008
Only a few minutes old...
Gone too soon...
I miss you, Son....
Love, Mom
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