May 27, 2008
Have I told you today how much I love you? You bring to your mom and I such joy, with your antics: kicking, tumbling, and an occasional jab to mom's ribs. I love feeling you move around in mom's belly. You make me smile knowing that you are so active. I'm sorry I missed your last ultra sound, but I had to fight some brush fires, which took me away from home for awhile. I miss you when I'm gone, but I do think of you. Actually, sometimes you are all I think about. Your now about 15 inches long and about 2lbs. Way to go champ! Can't wait to hold you!
Hang in there...love,
May 15, 2008
This is Grandma 'Mina" saying hello & I love you dear grandson. Your mama says you did well in your ultrasound today, grabing your toes & all your hand signals. I'm sooooo proud of you! You know you have the most loving parents in the world and I am soooo proud of them, too. I can't wait to see you. I know you will have dark hair & eyes like your mommy & daddy.
Many, many people are praying for you and them and for a miracle. We are so blessed to have such support and love. You are coming into a strong, loving family that will take wonderful care of you and protect you. You also have quite a special family waiting for you in heaven who will take good care of you. Auntie Beth, Great Grandpa Rocky, Grandpa Paige, Great Grandpa Bob, Aunt Dolores, Uncle Bill and the Skidmores. They are all such special people and we miss them so.
I pray that we will have some time with you so you can feel our love first hand.
Keep growing little one. We're patiently waiting for your arrival with our arms and hearts wide open.
All my love,
P.S. I am a nurse & respiratory therapist and will help mommy and daddy take good care or you. That's what I do!
May 12, 2008
Son, I hope you like football...your mom is a big fan...and you are expected to arrive during the preseason. If the Colts are playing I'm sure I'll be the one changing your diaper.
They tell me your ears are developing and you can hear us...so I'll explain the the game one night so your not confused.
Son, Don't be alarmed when some nights you might not hear my voice or feel my hand when you kick. I am thinking of you. I'm just at work, caring for other families that need my help. I am a fire fighter like my dad (your grandfather) and his dad (your great grandfather). You have been named after me like I was named after them.
Son, Unlike your great grandfather teaching his son, and your grandfather teaching his son, your dad is being taught by you. God has blessed me with a teacher. A unborn child that is teaching me more about life than anyone that has lived before him.
Thank you Christian,
It's morning and I'm working on my daily routine... juice, vitamins, and now breakfast. I have a cranberry/blueberry muffin perched on my belly as I'm writing. I'm sorry you didn't get your usual cinnamon Pop-Tart this morning... it's your father's fault really. It's always a mad dash to see who gets the last one in the box...And well, as you already know...you're having a muffin. I promise, I'll work on that.
I do have to thank you ....having a portable table where ever I go has been pretty convenient. Although it's a bit frustrating not being able to see my feet...it seems I stub my toes pretty often these days. Another something I'll have to work on..
It's been a few days since I published the beginning of your story...I hope you will be proud of me. It was pretty tough getting through some of the events that have already taken place, but in all honesty, I feel much better. I know you've felt my sadness and I'm sorry for that, Son. I'm trying to get better for you. I promise, there will only be lots of smiles, hugs, and kisses on your birthday. I can't wait!
Have I told you lately that I think you're an amazing little boy?? I love you so much. Even though I'm your mom and I'm carrying you in my belly, I think it's you who is really carrying the load. Just knowing you're there happily floating around in your little water bath makes me want to get out of bed in morning. When I don't feel like eating...it's you who reminds me that I have to make decisions for the both of us... You make me laugh every time I feel you kick... and you made your father's day on Saturday when he felt you kick for the very first time... You are already so strong... and I am so proud of you.
You are also changing lives... Your Papa, Auntie Jahna, Cody and Ricci gave blood on your behalf last Thursday. Your daddy set a record as he was finished giving blood in just over 10 minutes... I think it's because he has such a Big Heart. Also, it was a HUGE milestone for the Cameron clan...you see, Son, it was the FIRST time any of them had ever given blood. And it was because of you! You are already responsible for helping to save lives... No mother could ever be more proud. I love you.
Finally, in case you were wondering what all the ruckus was about the other night... Your father was trying to read, "Horton Hears a Who", to you and I couldn't stop laughing. The book reminds us that, 'A person's a person. No matter how small!" We just LOVE that message.
Your friends have dropped off several Dr. Suess books for us to read to you...You are such a lucky boy! Already Loved by so many! Unfortunately, your dad and I are out of practice reading these types of books and we stumble over the words to the point of giggles. He almost gave up and started trying to explain how to build a car engine to you instead...but I made him charge on.
We're doing our best, Son... and I promise we will only get better with more practice...
Well, that's all for now... I just want to tell you, I love you. Keep kicking and letting me know you are there... It's truly the bright spot in my day.
May 9, 2008
"Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away." ~ Unknown
Christian's journey began on December 15, 2007. This is the day 4 fertilized embryos were "launched" into my uterus. My husband, Ryan, and I have tried unsuccessfully for years to conceive children on our own. So, with the help of a fertility specialist we placed all of our hopes for children on these 4 little embryos.
From the beginning, we knew our chances for children would be slim at best. Our doctor gave us a 30% chance of becoming pregnant. But it was a chance we wanted to take. In fact, we thought with odds that good, we just had to go for it... What IF one of those little guys took!
By Dec. 22nd, I started peeing on a pregnancy stick. I was so nervous and scared... but in a small way, I just KNEW I was pregnant. On the first test, the "pregnant" line was so faint...like maybe my brain was just signaling to my eyes what I wanted so desperately see. Of course, I showed the stick to Ryan and he said, "well, it kind of looks positive"... not so convincingly. It took 2 more days and 3 more test sticks for us to finally believe our dreams for a family might come true. We were so ecstatic! We announced the results to our entire family during our Christmas Eve celebration. We just couldn't wait for the "official" results via blood test from our doctor. Although we knew it was risky to make such an announcement, we also knew everyone would be so happy for us. It would be the best Christmas present ever. I miss the happiness of those first days so much...
By Dec. 26th, we got our official blood test from the doctor and, of course, it confirmed what Ryan and I had already started to tell the world... WE ARE PREGNANT... AT LAST!
Because fertility treatments are so exact with regard to timing, it was nice to be able to get information right away about our pregnancy. At our stage, most people don't even know they are pregnant...and probably wouldn't know for several weeks. But, by the time the New Year rolled around, we were already scheduled for our first ultrasound.
Jan. 7th was the first day we actually got to see our little ones growing. We could hardly believe our eyes when we saw 2 gestational sacs... TWINS! Life was so good and our many, many prayers for a family were being answered. Although, we saw the 2 sacs, we were a little alarmed when 1 of them was considerably smaller than the other... about a quarter of the size in fact. And no heartbeats.. We were told it was too early to see the heartbeat and another ultrasound was scheduled for the following week...5.5 weeks.. hopefully, we'd see these new lives forming...
I think we made at least 20 phone calls between our doctor's office and home that day...just excited about the news that we were having twins. Our faces hurt from all the smiling we did that day. It was just a great day all around.
I was so naive those first weeks...I thought the toughest obstacle we would have to overcome was actually getting pregnant. And since we obviously tackled that with few problems, I believed my pregnancy would be smooth sailing from then on. How I was so wrong.
Ryan's mom, Patti, was also with us during this ultrasound and we were so happy to share the experience. After a couple minutes on the table though, we knew something was wrong. We only had one heartbeat. One of our babies had died. At first, we were all stunned... then sadness started creeping in... we were already a family and had become so attached to our little ones in the 2 weeks since we first learned of our twins.
It's hard to totally describe how I felt that day... On one hand, I was relieved and happy to know that we still had one viable heartbeat but, I just couldn't let myself be happy because one of our babies had died. I felt guilty about being relieved that I still had the one baby. Also, there was the eventual realization that something could go wrong, something HAD gone wrong in my pregnancy... Fear was something I would get used to feeling from that day forward...
After finally embracing the loss of Baby "A", I focused my energy on Baby "B"... Of course, I felt very blessed and thankful that the Lord had given us this child. I knew that whatever God had planned for us, everything was as it should be and Ryan and I would have to hold on tight for the ride of our lives.
Actually, with the exception of losing Baby "A", my first trimester went smoothly. I had no morning sickness, no usual pregnancy trials and tribulations, and I was glad. It was at about this time we learned that Ryan's sister, Holly, was also pregnant as well as very dear friends of ours in Chicago, John and Mylinda. It was such an exciting time for the Paige family. So many people pregnant at the same time... Every time Ryan and I locked eyes no matter where we were or what we were doing, we would just giggle like 2 kids....we were so happy.
On Mar. 25th, I was sent to another group of doctors which handled high risk pregnancies. I'm considered high risk because, at my age (40 yrs old), there is a greater possibility for problems... chromosomal abnormalities and genetic defects, specifically. We met with a genetic counselor who went over the statistics, but, because they were so remote, I truly believed we had nothing to worry about. I had blood drawn earlier in my pregnancy to check for any kind of problems and so far I was in the clear. In fact, I remember the counselor telling me about Trisomy 21 - Down's Syndrome, and then 2 other Trisomy's...18 and 13. She barely touched on the last 2 Trisomy's because they were so rare.. I hardly gave it any notice.
Ryan and Leah Paige
830 93rd Avenue North
Naples, FL 34108